


Don't be afraid of what your soul is really thinking

by pigalle



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode: s01e05 The Lilies, M/M, References to Drugs, talk about drugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 06:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8566675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pigalle/pseuds/pigalle
Summary: “You threw them away!” Lukas spat and pushed Philip hard. He almost lost his balance, but kept himself upright. He wouldn’t let Lukas do that to him, and he wasn’t about to watch Lukas do this to himself too.“Hey!” he called after Lukas, just managing to catch him before he got away. “I’m not going to give you any drugs. I don’t care if you think I don’t like and care about you because of it. It’s the opposite.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from _Isle of flightless birds_ by Twenty One Pilots.

“You threw them away?!” Lukas spat and pushed Philip hard. He almost lost his balance, but kept himself upright. He wouldn’t let Lukas do that to him, and he wasn’t about to watch Lukas do this to himself too.

“Hey!” he called after Lukas, just managing to catch him before he got away. “I’m not going to give you any drugs. I don’t care if you think I don’t like and care about you because of it. It’s the opposite.”

Lukas had tried to get away but stopped struggling after Philip’s words. When he didn’t say anything Philip continued. “Do you know why that is? Because I’ve seen firsthand what drugs do to people. Drugs are the reason I’m in this situation. Drugs are the reason I’m not legally allowed to see my mom. Drugs are the reason I knew what overdosing what when I was eleven.”

“What?” Lukas finally asked, looking up from the ground, making eye contact with Philip.

“My mom had a boyfriend named Billy,” Philip said with a sigh, hating having to relive those memories — but if it made Lukas want to stay away from drugs he’d do it a thousand times. “He didn’t like me, so I stayed away. One time I found him in the yellow couch outside the apartment, and I thought he was sleeping so I sat down next to him, pretending that he liked me. He wasn’t sleeping.”

“I’m… I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” Lukas said in a low tone.

“No, you didn’t, but I do, and believe me when I say that I know first hand why drugs are always bad. I might never actually get to live with my mom again, not if she never gets better. Don’t get yourself into that.”

At that lukas seemed to get back some of his previous anger and pushed away from Philip, but he didn’t run off. “You don’t know what I’m feeling! You don’t know—”

“Don’t you get that I do?!” Philip yelled, finally losing his patience. “I was there with you, and I was so close to being killed, and I feel so horrible after Tommy and Tracy, and I’m scared what will happen if the killer finds us, and I hate the nightmares I have. I do understand what you feel! I was there too! Or have you forgotten that?”

“You’ve never said anything of that!” Lukas bit back. “You always seem just perfectly fine, all cool with the situation.”

“It’s because it’s the only way I know how to cope! I’ve done it for so many years now, I can’t just stop and change how I cope. I’ve always had be be strong for mom, so I just sort of fell naturally into it. I’m sorry my coping doesn’t fall within what is logical for you!”

“Oh,” Lukas breathed, his eyes casting down to the ground. “I… I didn’t know.”

“No, you didn’t,” Philip said, just barely keeping the worst hardness out of his voice. “That’s why we need to actually talk to each other. Not do like in every movie and book ever where all the problems are because they didn’t talk to each other.”

The last part pulled a smile from Lukas, his lips moving slightly. Philip counted it as a win.

“Come here,” Philip said with a smile of his own, holding out his arms.

Lukas didn’t hesitate at all before he stepped into the embrace, his own arms coming around Philip’s body.

“We’ll deal with this,” Philip whispered, mostly just to himself, as Lukas held him so tight, like Philip would fly away if he didn’t hold him back. “We’ll be okay.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr: [jennypigalle](http://jennypigalle.tumblr.com) and [pigalleonwattpad](http://pigalleonwattpad.tumblr.com).


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